Disagreement Quotes

"In the beginning, as newlyweds, we avoid conflict because we are so much in love and we believe that 'being in love' is about agreeing. We're afraid that if we disagree — or fight — we'll end up divorced.

"Later, we avoid conflict because when we try to deal with our differences things get so out of hand and our fights get so unpleasant and upsetting that we simply shut down. We become determined to avoid conflict at any cost.... Often couples are so determined to avoid disagreeing that they quit speaking."

— For all the time and discussion that focuses on "conflict" in divorce, I rather like to note the findings of Dr. E. Mavis Hetherington: "High conflict" is a flat out third indicator of divorce. First is simply couples who don't engage. Read Dr. John Gottman for further reinforcement on this solid reality.

"People often grudge in others what they cannot enjoy themselves."

— Furthermore, the magnitude of said grudges is in direct proportion to the degree of overlap between their issue and that of their target.

"All right, Doctor. Let's hope we have time to argue about it," Captain James T. Kirk (William Shatner).

— My favorite Star Trek episode of all time; ironically, the second filmed in the series. In this bit, facing an overwhelming adversary and seemingly certain annihilation, Kirk and Dr. McCoy (DeForest Kelly) become engaged in a heated argument over a human resources issue. This is a priceless summary and appreciation of magnitude: It will be nice if we're still here ten minutes from now to continue this fight.

"Whoever in discussion adduced authority uses not intellect but rather memory."

— So much for precedent.

"If you don't like someone, the way he holds his spoon will make you furious; if you do like him, he can turn his plate over into your lap and you won't mind."

— This is really one to reflect on. In my own conflict resolution work, I'll invariably see couples who want to fight, and so they find something to fight about. It's all about them, and you and I are often left to do little more than get out of the way, sadly.

"I always cheer up immensely if an attack is particularly wounding because I think, well, if they attack one personally, it means they have not a single political argument left."

— Imminently true among interpersonal conflicts as well.

"'Anita,' said Finnerty, 'if you don't show more respect for men's privacy, I'll design a machine that's everything you are, and does show respect….

"'Stainless steel,' said Finnerty. 'Stainless steel, covered with sponge rubber, and heated electrically to 98.6 degrees....

"'And blushes at will,' said Finnerty.

"'And I could make a man like you out of a burlap bag filled with mud,' said Anita. 'Anybody who tries to touch you comes away dirty!'"

— This phenomenal social commentary is even more relevant today than when it was first published in 1952. Spot on regarding the role of man in the face of technological advance, the nature of consistency in societal culture, and the meaning of friendship. Did a thesis on Vonnegut that got me graduated from the University of Michigan at Ann Arbor, so there's always a guaranteed spot for Player Piano in my library.

And there's nothin' like the lessons to be learned from listening in on other people's fights.

"I won't quarrel with my bread and butter."

— Another one of those sentiments that would be really great if we could just do away with the pesky overriding factor that real life emotions force into the equation.

"We are getting into semantics again. If we use words, there is a grave danger they will be misinterpreted."

— Didn't he go to jail for his role in the Watergate cover-up?