"He who keeps the minutes controls the facts."
— This was both counsel and
commitment that I heard pass her lips, many, many times. When she first
got started in association management, one of her first jobs was that of
recording secretary whenever the board of directors and committees would
meet. As she advanced in the organization, she never gave up this "lower
level task," having learned (as she often told me), that this was where
the ultimate power was set.
As a
divorce transition coach, I caution clients about the
control that can be lost or gained in a similar fashion. Who writes the
deal and who incorporates the revisions? Even the seemingly "neutral"
mediator routinely demonstrates the truth of that old cliché about the
pen being mightier than the sword.
"The Martian troops, moreover, had no
control over where there ships were to land. Their ships were controlled
by fully automatic pilot-navigators, and these electronic devices were
set by technicians on Mars so as to make the ships land at particular
points on Earth, regardless of who awful the military situation might be
down there.
"The only controls available to those
on board were two push-buttons on the center post of the cabin — one
labeled on and one labeled off. The on
button simply started the flight from Mars. The off button
was connected to nothing. It was installed at the insistence of Martian
mental-health experts, who said that human beings were always happier
with machinery they thought they could turn off."
— First written in the 1950s, it
remains a brilliant insight to this day. And the more I work with people
in crisis, realizing just how little control any of us has over our
circumstances and happenstances, I find myself wondering how many
off buttons "connected to nothing" take comfort in surrounding
ourselves with in life.
You'd be amazed. But if it makes you
feel better—.
